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Children's Entertainer | Magician | Andy's Magic

"The Magician, The Magic Shows and The Entertainment"

6 May 2010

Children Say The Funniest Things

I’ve been a full time children’s entertainer for over eighteen-years and, in that time, I’ve learnt that children really do say the most hilarious things. In this blog I thought I would share with you some of the funniest things I’ve heard children say.

“So, Phoebe, do you have any brothers or sisters,” I asked the six-year-old girl.
“No,” She replied, “I’m a lonely child.”


“What is the capital of England,” I asked little four-year-old Adam. The little boy immediately answered, “It’s the letter E, that’s the capital of England.”

Four-year-old Chloe, who was helping me perform some magic, suddenly and unexpectedly announced that she’d had a — pig and cow sandwich for breakfast. I was just as confused as the rest of the audience until her mother explained what she’d actually had for sausage sandwich, the sausages being made of — pork and beef.


On asking Emma how old she was she confidently replied, “I am seven, going on eighteen.” She was obviously repeating what she’d heard her mum say when she was asked about her daughter’s age.


After being asked where he’d been on holiday Michael stood and thought for a moment before replying, “I went to India, and while I was there I saw the Eiffel Tower.” — Now there’s a novelty.


At a Christmas party, a few years ago, I asked a bunch of seven-year-olds if they knew why we celebrated Christmas. A blonde-haired boy whose name was David, instantaneously shot his hand in the air. “Go on,” I said, “Tell us the answer, David.”
“We celebrate Christmas, so Santa can bring us lots of presents.”


Gemma and Stephen were helping me on stage and at the end of the trick I asked Stephen to shake Gemma’s hand. Stephen shook his head defiantly and refused.
“If you don’t shake Gemma’s hand, I’ll get her to give you a kiss,” I responded Jokingly.
Gemma immediately shouted, “No! I won’t kiss Stephen. I only kiss boys whose dad’s are rich.”

And finally… it’s not only children who inadvertently say things that are funny. Here’s the innocent remark I made, that had every adult in room laughing, and left all the children wandering what was so funny…

Whilst entertaining a group of youngsters at a nursery and making a balloon animal, for a little girl who had just helped me make the magic work, I asked if anyone could guess what animal I was creating. There were lots of answers, a dog, a cat, a rabbit, a parrot and a snake — all of which were wrong. But one little lad shouted out, “It’s a Crab!”
“No, no,” I said it’s not a crab, I’ll tell you what it is - it’s a teddy Bear.” I turned to the little girl and said. “I bet you’d much rather have teddy bears than crabs.” — Oops!

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